


After the Storm

by onloveslight_wings



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9523634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onloveslight_wings/pseuds/onloveslight_wings
Summary: "Anxiety is the most silently painful experience. It makes no sense and you sit there alone and suffer for an unknown reason. You can't explain it. You can't stop it. It is horrible.”~-~Isak wakes up to Even having a panic attack.





	

"Anxiety is the most silently painful experience. It makes no sense and you sit there alone and suffer for an unknown reason. You can't explain it. You can't stop it. It is horrible.”

~-~

As Isak slowly regained consciousness, he heard a faint whimpering coming from the boy beside him. He adjusted the pillow underneath his head and peered at his alarm clock. 3:20am. He let a soft sigh escape his lips as he rolled over to face Even in bed. Even, realizing he had woken Isak, abruptly stopped sniffling and curled in on himself, visibly trying to hide the fact that tears were still streaming down his face. 

“Baby, it’s okay. You don’t need to hide.” Isak whispered as he shuffled closer to Even.

“Ugh,” Even, clearly uncomfortable, kicked his legs in an attempt to adjust the comforter bunched around his legs. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracking on the last word as he broke into a sob.

“What’s happening?” Isak said, concern obvious in his voice.

“Anxiety. Again.” Even managed to whisper in between heaving breaths.

“Mmmm,” Isak moved closer to Even, bringing him into a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay.” Suddenly Even jumped out of Isak’s grasp, stumbling away from the bed. 

“What? How on earth would know that? No it’s not, and you have no idea what I am going through right now!” Volume rising with each word that left his mouth. Isak was quickly reminded of Noora, Eskild and Linn sleeping just a couple rooms away. 

“Shhh, babe I know you’re upset. Just come back to bed, please.” 

“I can’t do this anymore. It feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, I can’t stop my hands from twitching, I can’t even breathe!” 

Isak was taken aback for a second. He’d witnessed many of Even’s panic attacks before, at all times of the day, but very rarely did Even get this upset. Normally it was only some hyperventilating, trembling and occasionally some tears. Even had gotten so much better at being able to control his anxiety since Christmas that sometimes when he felt the panic coming on he was able to slow down his breathing and clear his head enough to avoid having an attack all together. 

“Isak I’m so, so sorry for this.” Even completely broke down, openly weeping as he fell to a heap on the bedroom floor. Isak didn’t know what to do. Would going to him on the floor make him more upset? Would staying here be insensitive and unsupportive? As Isak racked his brain for some solution to his problem, he heard Even start to speak, “I thought we would be able to do it, you know? Isak and Even, minute by minute, together forever. But I don’t know anymore. I have these stupid exams coming up and I can’t stop thinking about university next year and I’ve only slept four hours in the last two days. I thought I was getting better and now this. It’s just so… ugh, no, I’m so sorry.” Violent sobs racked Even’s small body, and Even brought up his fidgeting hands to start to scratch angry, red lines into his neck. 

Isak immediately jumped into action and leapt down from the bed, pulling Even’s trembling hands from his neck and pressing them between his own in order to still the earthquake happening inside his boyfriend’s fragile frame. 

“Shhh, babe, shhhh,” Isak scooped Even into his lap and brushed his hair away from where it was plastered to his face. “We are going to get through this together. It doesn’t matter if it takes us a lifetime, I will never leave you. Ever.” 

Isak continued to stroke Even’s hair as his crying started to fade into whimpering and he slowly started to calm down more and more. 

“I feel like such a burden. I mean look at us; you're holding me on your bedroom floor at three in the morning while I’m having a panic attack. I’m destroying your life.” Even started to struggle to pull out of Isak’s hold and reach towards his jacket hanging on the doorknob, clearly with the idea of leaving.

“Even, baby, come here,” Isak adjusted Even in his arms and leaned to down to kiss him on the forehead. “Do you remember that night we spent in that hotel room a month ago?”

“Yeah of course I do. Are you trying to make me feel worse or something?”

“No, just listen to me for a second. Do you remember what you said to me when we were sitting on the floor eating burgers?” Even peered into Isak’s eyes with new tears in his eyes, happy tears. 

“What happens after I save you?” Even whispered, voice barely above a whisper. 

“I’ll save you right back.” Isak said gazing down at the boy beneath him. Even lifted his arms around Isak’s shoulders and tilted his face up, firmly pressing a kiss on Isak’s lips. “You saved me. Now it is my turn to save you. C’mon, let’s get you into bed now.” Isak took Even’s waist in both his hands and pulled him up. Illuminated by the moonlight shining through his window, Isak looked at Even’s face, just a few inches above his own. Even’s eyes still had a few lingering tears in them and were bright red. Under that he had deep purple bags which drooped onto flushed cheeks. In some places his hair was sticking to his slightly damp forehead, and in others it was ruffled and pointing in every direction. The scratches on his neck were now standing out in dark red against his pale skin. His t-shirt was wrinkled and his hands were still slightly trembling but Isak could only think of one word that could ever describe the man standing in front of him. 

Beautiful. 

Even laid down on the mattress and Isak pulled the comforter up under his chin. He went to the other side of the bed, laid down, and pulled Even to his chest. He could feel Even’s heartbeat strong and sure under his fingertips and thought about what his life would be like if he had never met Even. 

Monotone. Tedious. Grey. A life he did not want to live.

Although sometimes it was difficult and he didn’t know if the two of them would make it through, Isak knew without a single doubt that it would okay. More than okay actually, fantastic.

Isak was then pulled back to reality by the feeling of the rhythm of Even’s breathing stuttering. Even started to hyperventilate again. Isak realized that Even need more than a conversation and a hug to be able to fall asleep again.

“Hey babe?” Isak breathed into Even’s ear, careful not to startle him. “Do you want to hear a song?” Even simply squeezed his eyes shut tighter and made a small nod, visibly feeling the lasting effects of his panic attack. Isak cleared his throat and softly began to sing. 

“And after the storm,  
I run and run as the rains come  
And I look up, I look up,  
on my knees and out of luck,  
I look up.”

As Isak sung, he could feel Even slowly start to relax against his chest, melting into him. 

“Night has always pushed out day  
You must know life to see decay  
But I won't rot, I won't rot  
Not this mind and not this heart,  
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand  
And we stood tall,  
And remembered our own land,  
What we lived for.”

Even’s breathing had now fully slowed down now and when Isak begun to sing the chorus it was barely more than a whisper.

“And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.  
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.  
Get over your hill and see what you find there,  
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.”

Isak starting to drift towards sleep along with Even and his last coherent thought before losing consciousness was, 

“I’ll save you right back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading my fic, it was the first one I've ever written so i hope it was okay! Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you thought.
> 
> The song that Isak sings at the end is "After the Storm" by Mumford and Sons. I highly recommend listening to it!
> 
> My tumblr is @please-stop if you would like to contact me on there.


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